Good ol' writers' conferences

I'm wondering if I should go to the Willamette Writers Conference this year, but I'm worried because I haven't done much to promote my great american piece of novel or created a website for it other than this space, which -- let's be real -- isn't much of anything. Hmm. I probably shouldn't go. For one, it'll probably take another 34 years to finish my book. And second, I'm worried I'll be the only one who won't have a stash of personal bidness cards with the title of my great american piece of novel on it ("All in a Cup," formerly called "Salmon Street" and "Tim & Sarah" before that) and a url (SalmonStreet.blogspot.com!!), and an awesome typeface with a clip-art feather-quill pen, and a small photo of me looking smart and serious with my hair done up.

I got slighted

I thought for sure this was the year. Nope.

I was still bumming about not getting invited to dine at the White House for the state dinner with the queen and the jockey of Street Sense. No invite in the mail. No email from Laura Bush or whoever sends the e-vites from Pennsylvania Avenue. But it gets worse. I was actually putting away my dinner jacket and waistcoat when My Lady brought me this week's Time magazine and dammit if I didn't make Time magazine's 100 Most Influential People! I cried.

I could accept not making People's 100 Most Beautiful People, sort of (although I'm a bazillion times better looking than Jude Law, so whatever) and not being invited to a state dinner with dignitaries and such, but not making Time's 100 Most Influential People? Come on. How in the world would I not make Time magazine's 100 Most Influential People list? Can you believe it? I couldn't either. There are 100 people who shape our world ... and I'm not one of them?! Whatever. They don't know what they're doing. Dammit. I was pissed. My name's not even mentioned as a runner up. I was crushed. Remember when you tried out for the football team and you looked on the list of everyone who made the varsity squad? You don't remember that? Well, that's how it feels. I'm pretty broken up about it. I spent last night eating dry cookie mix from a box while watching America's Top Model and then had a meltdown after ... guess who made the list? Tyra Fucking Banks. Good God. Can you believe? I threw up and then threw the 100 Most Influential People issue at the TV.

Considering the categories of the 100 Most Influential People list included Artists & Entertainers, Scientists & Thinkers, Leaders & Revolutionaries, Builders & Titans, Heroes & Pioneers, I thought for sure I was a shoe-in. I could've made any of those lists. I'm all of those things. I'm definitely a Scientist & Thinker. Sheez. If I'm weak in any of the categories, I'd say it would have to be "Builders & Titans." I'm not much of a titan, I suppose. I'm not a very good entertainer either. I hate having people over. Anywho. That's what's going on with me. Hi everyone.

Hard working and detail-oriented blogger

Another entry with nothing really special to offer. Dang. Sorry. I wanted to give you a powerful and inspiring blog entry or some investigative journalism about what's going on in my neighborhood of Linnton, but I don't have one in me. Just to prove it to you, I'll double check and make sure. Nope. Nothing. Can't say I didn't try. I think that's what separates me from other bloggers: effort. And just because I have nothing planned for today other than maybe practicing my Queen of England wave from a balcony somewhere and giving it my all. I always give it my all. I'm a very hard worker. No, really. I am. Trust me. If you don't believe it, believe me when I tell you everything I do gets 110%. Actually 112% if you want me to be detailed about it, which I am. I'm hardworking and detail-oriented. Sort of. Mostly. Thank you.