Rejection #700 billion

Thanks for your query, but I'm not the right agent for your work. I apologize for the impersonal nature of this response which is due to the large number of queries I receive every week. I wish you the best in your search for representation.
Best,
Henry Paulson

Rejection #495

Dear Dan,
Thank you for your query regarding your work. We read your letter with interest, and certainly found your concept to be intriguing, but regrettably, we must pass. While there's obviously a great deal to recommend the project, We're afraid we're simply so overwhelmed with "work" at the moment, We can consider only a very small fraction of works we’d otherwise love to read. Thank you, again, and we wish you the very best.
-Lehman Brothers

Rejection #491

Thank you for your interest in submitting your materials to The Bush Doctrine Literary Agency. Please understand that, due to volume, I cannot reply to every submission because I'm serving in the Alaska National Guard. If I want or require more information, I will contact you.
All best,
Track Palin

Rejection #487

Dear Writer,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, your project is not right for the agency at this time. Best of luck to you as you seek representation.
Warmest regards,
Dick Cheney

Rejection #481

Thank you so much for submitting your query for my review. I’ve given it careful consideration, and unfortunately it’s not something we at LanceStrong Agency can represent. We’d love to say yes to all the worthy projects that come across our desks, but we receive many good proposals and can only represent a fraction of them.
We are only one agency, and these decisions are subjective. I encourage you to continue seeking representation and publication, and I wish you the best in having your project published.
Many blessings,
Lance Armstrong

Rejection #472

Thank you for submitting your work to BFLA. While we enjoyed reading your query, it isn't something that we'd like to pursue at this time. We wish you the best of luck in your writing career.
Regards,
Brett Favre Literary Agency

Rejection #454

Dan,
Thanks so much for your interest in my agency. I'm sorry to dash hopes, but the material just doesn't sound right for me. This in no way reflects its potential for success, it just means I wouldn't be a good fit.
I wish you the best with it,
Janet Reno

Rejection #348

Dear Mr. O'Brien,
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to consider ALL IN A CUP (great title, by the way). I appreciated your short-and-to-the-point synopsis and I'm impressed by your writing experience, but I feel that the only new acquiring I can do is with projects that are radically different from the projects I'm already representing. I’m afraid that in the end, I don’t wish to pursue this further with you. I really only have space to diversify, and even then, there's a lot on my plate right now.

Please know that I am grateful that you thought of me for ALL IN A CUP, and I hope that your hard work on this project will be rewarded with an attentive agent and a prosperous career.

Take care,
Sarah Palin

McCain's Dan Quayle

Below is a video of a boy falling out of the stands after attempting to catch a fly ball to left-center. Fortunately, he wasn't hurt. But the reason this clip is so important to me is because of how well it captures my feelings about the Republican Party. After falling -- scarily -- the kid sort of pops up cooly at first, but in the end -- barely finding his legs -- seeks comfort while collapsing into the arms of an adult. That's sort of how it is for me when watching Republicans strut their stuff. I can listen to chants of "drill, baby, drill" and try laughing it off, but then I see Vice Presidential nominee Dan Quayle appearing in her smart skirtsuit and LensCrafters glasses and up-do while she talks about her accomplishments in front of a gushing crowd of pear-shaped white men (not to mention a very nervous family) ... anywho, it concerns me so much, I need an adult to console me. And I don't care how uncool it makes me appear. I need a hug from a real adult.