A special shout-out to my grand-niece Caitlynn who's not even 24 hours old right now: happy birthday, Caitlynn!! My twenty-fourth hour was awesome. I loved that hour. Man. Life was all good. Things were pretty uncomplicated, obviously. No shit. No, really. No shitting yet. No teething or chores or homework. You can't have doughnuts or burritos yet, so that sucks. First poop is pretty amazing. Damn. Those were the hours. Good times. Twenty-four hours meant you got the "coming out" part out of the way and you finally get some space and distance between you and Momma, which -- let's face it -- is pretty awesome and over-due -- especially, if it's your momma's first.
Oh well. Enjoy. As your great-uncle, I'm passing along this scorecard I used for the first few months to help me adjust to the outside. You know, keeping score. It worked for me, helps pass the time, I don't know. Maybe it will come in handy:
Bright lights: 30 points (awesome at first, but gets old quick)
Stuffed animal shoved in my face: -30 points
Pink Floyd mobile: 40 points
Hot female nurse smiling at me: 250 points
Another newborn recognizing me from a past life: 50 points
Being placed next to a preemie: -20 points
Someone realizing I'm having the bowel movement of my life and laughing about it: Even
Homeless man wandering around the incubator section smiling at me: -15 points
Stupid kid poking at me saying, "Baby? Baby?": -10
Baby next to me who reminds me of all the things I wish I could change about myself: -50 points
Dog smiling at me: 300 points
Momma's milk: Varies. Sometimes it sucks.
Momma's tit: I'm not comfortable rating this one.
Dog expressing sadness to me/feeling sorry: 10 points
Cat jealous of me: 50 points
