When I want the news, this is the face I want to give it to me. Who couldn't love this face? This is a face of a woman I can trust. I trust Elizabeth Vargas. I'd totally give her the keys to my car. I'd give her the keys to my home, actually. At the end of the day, I would trust her to do anything to me. You know what I like about Elizabeth Vargas besides her striking deportment and firm enunciation and silky composure? I like that she isn't superficial. I've seen how she interviews dictators and republicans and such, and -- I tell you what -- she treats everyone with amazing fairness and sincerity, even when you can tell deep down she hates republicans. I love that. Maybe when she's tired of interviewing dictators and republicans, she'll want to interview me one day. I hope so. That would give her a break, and would be most welcome.
Elizabeth Vargas reminds me of My Lady, of course. Smart, unflappable and hott. The only troubling part about Elizabeth Vargas I can see, however, is her choice of man. I'm not one to judge, but I just don't know . . . doing the news all day and coming home to a moderately successful singer-songwriter . . . it's a bit unfortunate if you ask me. I mean, it's not like her man is a major full-fledged rock star. She's not married to Sting or Bono or Snoop Dog. And that song her man sings -- "Feel Like Walkin' in Memphis" -- is kind of uninspired when it gets right down to it. Walking in Memphis? Walking? Memphis? I've never been to Memphis, but walking there seems kind of . . . I don't know. Couldn't we have a better city to walk in or something? Toronto maybe?
Bottom line: I don't know what Liz sees in her man. He's probably not all that interesting and my guess is her man neglects her and is on the road too much. He's married to his music, I bet. Clearly, she didn't marry him for his looks or his choice of attire.
It's possible, of course, that Liz might have a history of being attracted to the wrong man. I've seen this kind of thing happen to the best again and again. It happened to my sister. And she turned out to be gay.
If Liz wants to stay married to Marc Cohn, fine. Whatevs. Okay by me. For all I know, she and her husband are relatively compatible, but don't quote me. I know I'd probably really impress her with my amazing personality, athleticism and awesome good looks and smashing taste, but I'm already married, so it's kind of a moot point I guess. Liz, if you're reading this: I've got My Lady, thank you very much. We're solid. Been together for a long, long time. Never mind that people compare me to Cary Grant and Michael Jordan and Eddie Vetter all the time, but whatever. I'm humble and that sort of thing. And really smart. I follow the news a lot. If you're ever in Portland, I could probably give you a tour at the KATU studio or maybe even one of the competitor affiliates. That could be awesome. We can talk shop, whatever. You can show me how you like your earpiece inserted and have a few laughs possibly. No pressure.
