Phew. I just finished being an officer of the court. Yep. Me and my juris prudences were sworn in yesterday. I served on a jury. I was picked. I was among the select few. I was awesome. The lawyers on both sides totally liked me. I was a chosen one. For a few days, I was very very special and much wanted.
I don't know if I got picked because of my incredible answers in the twenty-page questionnaire or what I said during the day-long voir dire cross examinations, but I suspect it was my awesome clothes. My attire must've been very impressive in the court of law and hall of justice and ceiling of accoustic tiles and secret passages to the judge's chamber. But, yes, to be clear: I answered the attorneys' interrogations with complete calm, introspection, candor, humility, and without food in my mouth ... all in the name of justice. I started every answer with, "Your honor, counsel, my fellow jurors: justice is blind!"
The very important trial involved a widow and General Motors and Ford and some brake manufacturer who apparently believed in its friable asbestos products. We never really heard the detes because the whole thing -- which was expected to last five weeks -- was settled right before our eyes, which was before the opening arguments. It was a very nice although shocking surprise to adjourn and leave our juror lanyards behind, but I was ready despite giving it my all, which included bonding with my fellow jurors, even the one seated next to me who talked too much.
I never felt more part of Multnomah County and our system of justice than during the last few days (with the one possible exception of when I had to defend myself against the crazy woman who sued me for a cracked driveway). You should've seen me then, boy, defending myself. I was totally a legal eagle.
And, by the way, Multnomah County people are awesome. We represented a tapestry of human goodness -- well spoken, articulate, dignified, not particularly good looking -- ready to fulfill our democratic obligation as a genuine representation of peers.
Man, I love democracy. It's awesome. I'm on a democracy high right now. Don't disturb me. Not sure how long it will last, but I recommend it. I can't even speak right now. I'm overjoyed with a sense of democratic involvement and accomplishment and doing my part to ensure justice is served. Phew. I'm exhausted just thinking about all the justice I served. It was a lot.
