Call me Reverend

I was ordained yesterday by the monastary of The Universal Life Church, and I already have two weddings lined up. No, really. I'm nervous. I need to figure out the types of questions I need to ask the young couples to make sure they're ready and get them all pumped up. Marriage is a big responsibility, of course, which means a lot of things to a lot of people. Anywho, it's my duty to bless and unite forever. So far, I think I'll ask these questions:

"Are you serious or are you going to get divorced or what?"

"Where do I plug in my fog machine?"

"Where do you plan to spend holidays?"

"Can I black out these windows?"

"Where do I put my scythe?"

"Have you seen the movie, Rosemary's Baby? What about Kramer vs. Kramer?"

"Do you have an area where you can leave during the ceremony in case, you know, you need to do it?"

"Do you have a space large enough to accommodate a dunking booth?"

"Are you more pro Guns n Roses or pro Led Zeppelin?"

"Are you ready to take it to the next level?"