I thank all four of you who bothered to check in last week and to return after realizing I haven't posted anything. I've been just sitting here. I've been right here all along. Sometimes I get up to see what's in the fridge or slide my chair over to look for doughnuts in the pantry but it's usually slim pickens. And I don't want to hear you tell me that I go on vacation too much. Stop that right now. Blah. Blah. Blah. Tell you what: If I'm taking time to sit and stare around the kitchen like I've been doing most of today, I've definitely earned it, so stop complaining. I'm a very important and acclaimed blogger who happens to be an incredible and devout human being, husband, father, cousin, uncle, and sister, so what I'm saying is: I deserve some time off to sit around on this here chair and check to see what's on TV and google for some good eats.
I'll definitely chime in from time to time during the next couple of years, but don't expect any weekly updates or anything. If you find yourself fixing for me or getting a hankering for some news about the development of my Great American Piece of Fiction, feel free to call my 1-800 number and see if you get an answer. That should hold you over. If not, go find yourself a boyfriend or girlfriend or pet cat, okay? Thank you.
I'm hungry.
I think I'll look into one of those new P'Zones. They look really . . . they're a calzone-variant with an ideal body weight of a whole pound. I think that's what one of those dudes meant to say in the commercial while he high-fived his buddies around the coffee table, which is where dudes like to hang and catch up on what's going on in their busy lives.
I wonder if Pizza Hut delivers to Linnton. Man. They should. I'd totally high-five the pizza delivery man. Should I call? I think I will. Don't know about you, but I'm kinda in the mood for salt, fat, cholesterol, carrageenan, autolyzed yeast extract, high-fiving, and Maalox (chaser).
